Teabagger Meetings part 2

When we left off, John was leading the teabaggers in a meeting at Chick-Fil-A during their free chicken if you wear a cow costume day. The idea came about to fly banners at the Fourth of July parade. The cost was high, but it was worth it to show how stupid other wasteful spending is in Madison.

A man in the back reluctantly asked, "Isn't it kind of rude to fly protest banners during the parade? This is more of a family event."

"Rude?", John asked. "I'll tell what is rude. Rude is for the government to collect taxes and spend it on programs. That money belongs to me! Got that, latte boy?".

Another asked. "What about the Republican Party? Are they ok with this?"

"Hell no", John answered. "I talked to them last week. They didn't want anything to do with this. Something about it being tacky and classless. No patriots, just like America we have to go it alone."

John pulled a chair over from one of the tables and stood on it. He took his cow spotted hat off and placed it over his heart. A lone tear streamed down his cheek an his knees trembled.

"This banner represents something bigger. Freedom and Liberty. We are leaders of the revolution to take back America from the people. Our message will ring out like the liberty bell! We are Paul Revere, and the socialists are coming. The socialists are coming. One day out on the shooting range you'll tell your grandkids about this day and they'll look up at you and say that you're the greatest patriot ever."

Captivated, the crowd watched as John outstretched his arms and looked up to the ceiling, pausing for an uncomfortable amount of time before saying "If you believe in tea, then believe in me."

The crowd enthusiastically applauded.

After the noise died down, once again the man in the back asked a question.

"So, what is the message that is going to start this revolution?"

"Yeah, tell us these great words from The John."

John got down off of his chair and motioned for silence. "I've been thinking about this for weeks. Couldn't sleep at night. What could we say that would be just as inspirational as We are the People and We hold these truths to be self evidence? What could we say in 100 characters or less that would inspire?"

"Then I came up with it. Are you ready?" The crowd drew in with anticipation and nobody moved as they waited for John's clarion call.

"Here it is: "Doyle and Mason raised your taxes." Oh, I'm not done either. Here's the other one: "Lehman is bad for Racine". Take that liberals! Boo-yah! Constitution ya'll!"

The crowd stood up and applauded....some even cried. A white lady in her late 50's fell off her chair and started twitching with excitement. They rushed to John, throwing money at him, begging to be in on the action.

"Get your guns ready people. The fight starts today. We're going to take this country back to the constitution."

The man in the back asked,"Don't we already have the constitution? These people were voted in. I thought we were going to talk about elections, and taking the country back with votes?"

John responded. "Votes won't do. There just aren't enough of us to win any kind of election. Look around. We're a bunch of old white people with guns. Words aren't really our thing. Besides, nothing says freedom like a bullet."

Teabagger Meetings part 1

As it seems the teabaggers in Racine have been pretty active lately, I couldn't help but wonder what one of their meetings must be like. I call this next piece....WhiteTEA. Enjoy

It's 7:00 pm at the Chick-Fil-A. John is standing in front of a group of 12 people, all wearing cow apparel. John is in his late 50's, white with a grey mullet. His voice is low and rough with a faint southern accent even though he's never lived there.

"Listen Up! I'm calling this Tea Party meeting to order. I'd like to thank Chick-Fil-A for their patriotism in offering this deal where you if dress up like a cow then you get some chicken for free. Now that's what I call freedom people! It's promotions like that, that make this country great. U-S-A! U-S-A!"

The crowd applauds, joins the USA chant, and someone yells out "Free Bird!"

A waitress approaches the table. "Hello guys, welcome to Chick-Fil-A, what would you like to drink?" The table instantly grew silent and a look of shock spread over their faces. After a long pause, John looked at the waitress and said, "I'll have the greatest American beverage ever made little lady. I'll give you one guess what it might be."

Confused, the waitress said "Coke?"

"Hell, no!" said John. "Where the hell have you been hiding? I'm talking tea baby, sweet American tea!"

The waitress answered: "We don't have American tea. We've got English and Chinese-"

"Hold it right there!" John interrupted. "Just bring out twelve green teas. Make them as green as money baby. And none of this sugar crap. The Tea Party likes their tea salty."

Someone in the back yelled out "Can I have a latte instead?" John swung around nodded at two large white guys in the corner. They were wearing cow pajamas and udders made into hats.

"Latte?" John asked angrily. "You some kind of spy? What's the secret password? Say it!"

"Do I have to? It's kind of stupid."

John reached under his black and white spotted cow belt and pulled out a gun.

"I said say it."

"OK. The password is Dip." said the man.

John put his gun away. "Good. Everyone here knows that you can't have a tea party without dip. That's obvious."

The waitress came back with the green tea.

John continued. "Speaking of green, that brings us to the topic of our meeting today. Taxes and wasteful spending in Washington. I've been thinking a lot about it and what we need to do is come up with a protest that shows just how fed up we are with people spending money on something totally stupid. That's when I came up with an idea to fly a banner over the 4th of July parade. It will be expensive, but worth it to protest wasteful spending."

Coming soon....part 2

Seriously

Racine needs a sense of humor and I'm going to give it to them. The joke has been on us for too long.

No apologies, only the truth. Stupidity of all types will be explored, exposed, mocked and laughed at.

If you're stupid, then you're next.